When Moxie! Magazine asked me to write about love I said, “You are kidding, right?” I am a self-proclaimed spinster.

There are several definitions of a “spinster” and there have been adaptations to make it sound more appealing.  An original definition is: a woman who is not married, especially a woman who is no longer young and seems unlikely ever to marry.  A synonym for spinster is cat lady. 

Before I give you my love advice and my personal definition of a spinster, it is only fair to tell you that I do have a cat. My definition of spinster is: a woman who never has to roll up the extension cord on her leaf blower and who never has to pay for anyone else’s braces or college tuition.  

My advice is likely retroactive for so many of you, but it would be to marry one of the first people you love.  The problem with being the kind of spinster I am (and this statement will likely end my current relationship) is that there is always someone to ‘love’ or at least ‘like’ or ‘be attracted to,’ until you can’t stand them. Yes, I have dated almost everyone in the county, which is why I am glad this is one of the fastest growing counties in the state.

I would like to find love, you know--that perfect kind of love.  The other day I was flipping through the channels on TV and stopped on Jerry Springer.... because that is what spinsters do.  The episode was two women fighting over a man.  My first thought was, I would like to love someone the way those two women clearly do.  I would like to be moved enough to go on national television in a short, tight dress and be compelled to fight so ferociously for my man that my wig comes off.  This has never happened for me.  Of course, I also haven’t been the storyline on 20/20 for killing my husband or being killed by him, either. 

The good news this year for us single girls is Valentine’s Day, which I like to call “Valoween,” is on a Sunday.

As we celebrate this season of love, try to remember that it is just a season.  The good news this year for us single girls is Valentine’s Day, which I like to call “Valoween,” is on a Sunday.    This will reduce your exposure to all the flowers and gifts being delivered to the women in your office.

My most memorable Valentine’s Day gift was during the time I was attending so many of my good friends’ first weddings.  I was feeling particularly sorry for myself and had explained to my father what it was like to be in an office where everyone was getting flowers but you (I was in a dry spell).  I told him how I hated Valoween. When I arrived home to be alone on Valentine’s Day that night, in the mail was a box from my Dad.   In the box was a very sweet bracelet with a note that said, “Happy Valoween!” 

And anyway, I get flowers all the time. I get them at the grocery store.

LOVE, Marty

Marty Newton

Marty is a freelance writer and lives in New Braunfels. She owns a cat.